Two Bottles, Two Souls

Two water bottles, one is blue and one is green. One has a sipper tube and the other doesn’t. So what, you might say? Is this supposed to be art? The two bottles have more in common than you might guess by simply looking at them.

The blue bottle belonged to my brother-in-law. He liked to run marathons and it’s likely it was part of one of the packages the runners get when they sign up. My wife didn’t really have a need for it so it became mine, more or less. The green bottle belonged to my oldest sister. She also was outgoing and enjoyed physical activities, like golfing and going to the gym.

In April 2015, my brother-in-law, Vinh, died after an earthquake hit in Nepal. Although he had trained to go hiking on Mount Everest, even using a hyperbaric chamber, he succumbed to altitude sickness. Because of the earthquake (that was all over the news), helicopters were either grounded or busy elsewhere. So Vinh died nearly four years ago, in Nepal, doing something he was so excited to try: hiking in Nepal.

You can read more about Vinh here:
https://musings.imagedistillary.com/2015/04/26/random-act-of-kindness-miles-away/

On March 13, 2019 my oldest sister Guy also had an accident. She was cleaning her house in preparation for her best friend’s visit. Guy had just been to Chicago to be with Kelly, her best friend. Kelly’s husband of 25 years had just passed away. After Guy returned home to Florida, Kelly’s boss said she should get out of town and have some fun. So she paid for Kelly to visit Guy in Florida.

The day before Kelly was to arrive in Florida, Guy fell through the ceiling in the crawl space above her garage. Her neighbor, Sara, noticed something wasn’t quite right. Guy wouldn’t have left the garage door open after dark. Sara went back to her house and returned with a flashlight. Guy was rushed to the hospital but it was already too late. Sara and Mary (Guy’s other neighbor) called and explained what had happened. They left my contact info with the doctor in the ER. The doctor called and tried to explain the severity even though all tests had not been completed. I’m not a physician. However, I’ve been in radiology my whole career as a scientist. Even with my background and PhD, I thought surely Guy would be OK, maybe not the same, but at least alive.

I quickly bought 3 tickets from Southwest for the next morning, coincidentally the same flight that Kelly was on. My mom and other sister, Palee, drove through the night from Michigan to Chicago. I was able to sleep a couple of hours before they arrived. They, unfortunately, did not sleep at all. We met Kelly at the gate and we made it to Florida the next morning. Once we saw Guy in the trauma ICU, it finally hit. What the ER doctor was trying to say, i.e., you need to get here as soon as possible and make some decisions, sunk in.

For those who weren’t able to see Guy in the trauma ICU, it’s much harder to grasp. Like me, late in the evening on March 13, you were probably thinking, it’s just an accident. She hurt her head. She’ll be OK. I understand that denial and disbelief can be very strong. But when we saw her, we knew. For those that did see Guy in trauma ICU, know this: Guy wouldn’t have wanted that. She would not have wanted non-family to see her like that. In many ways, she was very private. You put your own feelings and desires above others.

Two things I wish people would take away from this writing. Make sure you have a will and your family knows your wishes. Both Vinh and Guy did not have a will. It took about a year and a half to sort out Vinh’s probate court proceedings. The other take home message is think about the family when you are confronted with grief due to the loss of a friend or acquaintance that you care about. Three people stopped by my sister’s house while we were trying to sort through her things and our emotions. I know these people had good intentions but in my opinion, they put their needs above the family’s. They need to be seen and feel important. They intruded on a very difficult moment. Two of the three recognized this an apologized later. We had to tell the front desk at the hospital to not allow non-family members to visit. I guess the other take home message is to not spread rumors or speculate what is going on, online but most of you know that already.

We assumed that Guy would want her organs donated to help save others. We were able to confirm that she was indeed a registered organ donor. The staff at the Del Ray Beach trauma ER were fantastic. The University of Miami Life Alliance organ transplant team was tremendous. They were caring and professional. Wanda was the first team member that we met. She was so helpful and patient. She said, “I fell in love with your family when we first met” and we fell in love with Wanda. I can tell you how much it meant to know that someone was there for us day or night. If we had a question, we could text Wanda. Even if she was off shift, she would make sure someone on their team took care of us. Like Guy’s neighbors Mary and Sara, we will never forget Wanda and are blessed to know there are still good people in the world.

Guy donated her kidneys and liver. She had a match in New York for her heart but the recipient could not make it. Still, her gift saved two lives. This gift was one of many examples of her character. Guy personified class and elegance. When she walked into a room, heads would often turn. Everyone who knew her, would tell you that her inner beauty exceeded her outer beauty. She had a gift of making you feel special, feel important. Countless people, especially those that knew her from work said they were her “best friend”. She made them feel important. Sadly many of them didn’t really know her.

She was an avid Cubs and Bears fan and Chicago would always be her true home. Tiger Woods was her favorite sports celebrity. Her laugh was infectious and she had a gift for bringing people together. Family was important and she was part of many families. Now she is joining two more families, her generosity continuing after a wonderful life.